Despite holing up all autumn in Boston, I’m not nearly as far along as I’d like to be with my book proposal. I took most of the fall off from writing so that I could focus and be done with it by Thanksgiving. I still did a few freelance assignments and had a few contracts to fulfill, mostly video work (and since I have no qualms about misusing parentheses, this is where I’ll mention that I have a new web show coming out on gURL.com next month), but by and large, I’ve been neglecting my inbox, blog, and social life. All so I can write a book proposal which is currently 40 pages and counting … not anywhere close to finished.
At the risk of being honest on the Internet (never a wise decision), I’m going to admit that some recent events have left me feeling creatively constrained, somewhat disappointed, and a little angry. You may have noticed that I’ve been blogging with less frequency. This is largely because I don’t feel like I have the mental capacity to do blog posts in addition to book writing, but it’s also because I don’t see the point of blogging if I can’t be truthful. And I can’t right now, not when every other thing I say is scrutinized to death and used against people I care about. There’s a story I want to tell, but I can’t tell it … and until I figure out how this will work, I’m going to feel a little off-balance and crazy.
I just finalized details for the Asia trip I planned for over the holidays (and by “holidays”, I am totally including Chinese New Year, thankyouverymuch). When I first thought of going to China last summer, I figured I’d be done with the majority of proposal writing by now, so I could consider the trip a reward of sorts. Now it’s feeling more like a cruel joke, since I have so much writing to do and am going on vacation even though all I want is to find a crawl space where I can live with my laptop in solitude until the spring.
But for practical reasons, I’ve decided to not beat myself up over all the words I left unwritten this year. Instead, I’m bringing along books and journals in hopes of getting some inspiration abroad. Though I’m not a huge fan of long train rides and flights, I’ve found that I often write better things mid-travel than I ever do on stable ground. Maybe my creativity will benefit from a change of scenery. I’m heading to Singapore, Malaysia, and China for three weeks to travel with friends, and while Patrick will be with me in the first destination, he’s headed back to Boston on the 3rd … making this our longest separation in years. Nuts, right?
Here’s my schedule:
December 15-20: New York, New York
December 20- 30: Osnabrück, Germany (plus a wedding in Düsseldorf)
December 31-January 3: Singapore, Singapore
January 3-7: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
January 7-12: Hong Kong, China
January 12-18: Nanjing, China
January 18-21: Shanghai, China
January 21-29: Los Angeles, California
I’m currently looking for reasonably priced places to stay in Hong Kong (under $100/night) so let me know if you guys have any suggestions. My boys have already departed to the Fatherland, and I haven’t packed ANYTHING or done winter-proofing of the household to prepare it for impending vacancy. On the bright side, I now own all of Joan Didion’s non-fiction work with the exception of Blue Nights. Not quite the same as getting the comforter dry-cleaned, but I have my priorities.
Also, I am scheduling speaking dates for February-April at the moment and thus far, I have plans to be in Austin, New York, and San Francisco. If you want to invite me to your campus, now is the time to email me (lena at lenachen dot com). I thought about skipping the sure-to-be-hectic spring speaking spree, because I never have time to write and I always feel stressed and behind, but then I thought, If this book doesn’t get written, it’s not going to be because I attended an extra conference or two. And as much as I don’t want to admit it, I feel sort of nomadic and disconnected from everything right now, so I almost look forward to days alone on the road. A couple months ago, I was vaguely terrified of moving to Berlin and leaving everything behind. To be frank, right now, Berlin is all I am certain about, all I have to look forward to.
