Why You Shouldn’t Date A “Type”
“Do you have a type? Because I don’t. I know it’s hard to believe. People like to declare that they’re type-less and then they tack on the criteria of ‘as long as he’s not a Republican.’ Me? I’ve dated a Republican.” —Sex and the Ivy (October 29, 2007)
Following up on last night’s discussion of racial preferences in dating, I thought it’d be interesting to examine the concept of dating “types”. Like many a gal before me, I grew up on women’s mags that offered specially tailored advice to girls looking to snag a certain “type” of guy. Want a “bad boy”? There’s a patented formula for seduction. Into “artsy” dudes? You should follow the game plan written by a very qualified magazine editor. It all sounds incredibly reductive, doesn’t it? But for a good number of years, I was successfully fooled into buying (quite literally) these stereotypes about men. And then I went to college and encountered a lot of different types of guys with totally different background and interests and realized that I’d been brainwashed. The Republican I dated turned out to be not so conservative in the end. Some of the supposedly liberal suitors were members of all-male elitist Harvard final clubs. And then there were all the types I thought I would be so into: the philosophers, the English majors, the tech geeks and the like.
At one point, I essentially wanted to date the hipster version of Sartre, but minus the open relationship, because my fragile ego wouldn’t be able to handle that.
But seriously, I’ve hooked up with and dated a lot of people and never have I ever felt the inclination to say, “So-and-so reminds me so much of so-and-so!” Because beyond very basic attributes like a generally ambitious nature, they’re all pretty different, and I’m better for having met such a varied bunch in my few short years of dating. If I were single tomorrow, I wouldn’t think, “This is the type of person I’m looking for”. I simply wouldn’t know! And if I did have a specific type, I’d likely be ruling out a ton of great guys or more likely, change my mind upon meeting the right person.
Take my relationship with Patrick, for example. Before we went on our first date, I was on some kind of streak with bespectacled college boys who shared my waist size and liberal sympathies. And then I wound up with a German dude who bench presses me for fun and espouses views that make most progressive Americans seem downright reactionary. How the hell was I supposed to know this was going to happen? And even if I did, could I have willed this into happening? I don’t think so. You can’t really predict these things. And you shouldn’t try. Love (and life) turns out much more nicely when you leave things up to chance.



