Anonymous asked: Hi Lena! I used to read you during Sex & the Ivy and then only recently discovered your Tumblr - and I must admit, some of your posts rub me the wrong way. I haven't placed down the exact reason, but I noticed earlier today that for someone who wrote that many of the privileged people are Harvard are at least humble enough to not flaunt their 2nd & 3rd homes... you do a lot of flaunting of your Harvard degree. I think it's great that an ivy-educated minority female has done so much boundary-pushing for sex & blogging, but so many of your answers to questions of how to survive post-graduation on free-lancing or traveling inevitably all leads back to your solid faith in your Harvard degree, which-- I don't know, I know several friends who graduated from Harvard this year who are still struggling to find full-time employment. To joke that you could just fall back on investment banking thanks to your degree is a bit insulting to those who work so hard (even at Harvard!) to get a job.

Also, you mentioned before that you don't think you "deserve" all the privileges that Harvard brings because for many people Harvard is not an option, but your words & behavior are very unapologetic for those privileges - a little like a male who admits that he doesn't deserve higher wages simply for being male but still insists on taking advantage of it. I'd feel differently if you wrote more about how you used hard work or universal traits to get what you want in life (because I'm sure you ARE very hard-working!) - the Harvard degree standard answer is getting pretty tiring.

I came from a university with tons of international students, and even with those friends and their exotic family homes, I never found traveling to be cheap. If nothing else, trans-oceanic plane tickets are expensive, and wealthy friends tend to have expensive hobbies and interests. Besides, international kids are everywhere nowadays (an American degree is worth a lot in Asia & Europe) - you can give tips on crashing at friends' without constantly relying on your Harvard degree. Believe it or not, most other schools have similar benefits!

(Advance apologies if I come off as kind of brutal; I’m just losing patience with the concept of “hard work” and “achieving your dreams”.)

I received this question a while ago, but I decided not to respond to it until I had a chance to answer questions on the feasibility of a freelance writing career (which I shot down as a long-term option in yesterday’s post). I generally try not to be obnoxious about the fact that I went to Harvard, especially because I don’t think it means I’m smarter or more capable than the next person. (If Harvard has taught me anything, it is that Harvard does not churn out superior human beings, but it does churn out a lot of human beings who think they are superior.) That said, my life took place at this school, not any other school, and when asked how I personally budgeted for travel, I’m going to have advice informed by my own experiences (e.g. crashing at friends’ places). I try to offer general tips (like au pairing or student loans) which are applicable to everyone, but failing that, I ask other readers to contribute suggestions, since I’m one person with an obviously limited viewpoint.

I bring up my alma mater when it comes to things like freelance writing, because it has everything to do with why I’m willing to take a totally risky, non-lucrative career path. It’s not about “flaunting” the fact that I went to Harvard; I’m trying to be honest about the sort of mistakes you can afford to make just because a bunch of adults declared your 18-year-old self one of the Chosen. (And in doing so, I hopefully shed light on the ludicrous way our society measures intelligence/competence.) A Harvard degree, of course, does not mean you will definitely get a job, and sure, some of my friends graduated without offers. But let’s be real, their unemployment is temporary and bears little resemblance to the unemployment facing most bewildered college grads. (I don’t just assume this; the non-Harvard grads I know have a much tougher time than their equally unemployed Ivy counterparts.) Unless they are one of the few who come from a truly impoverished background, most Harvard kids are able to get by until they find something. It’s just that many want very specific jobs, often located in New York, which pay a certain wage and select among a candidate pool filled with other Harvard grads. And my unemployed classmates have yet to land one of those jobs yet. There’s nothing wrong with holding out for a good gig, but let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that an unemployed Harvard kid has the same lot as your typical unemployed American who can’t make ends meet. All kidding about my “banking back-up plan” aside, I think you have to agree that an Ivy Leaguer is going to have an easier time on the market.

While I stand by the fact that none of us “deserve” the privileges we get for graduating from Harvard, I’m not going to apologize for the fact that I have opportunities other people don’t have and abstain from using those opportunities. I will be perfectly honest about my privilege and avoid patting myself on the back too hard, lest I one day think that America is actually a meritocratic country, but what’s the point of not taking advantage of my Harvard degree? Even though I’m an avowed feminist, I wouldn’t expect some guy to not ask for a raise because he knows he already gets paid more than a woman in a comparable position. That’s just stupid. Unless you manage to organize a mass revolution involving all privileged people eschewing their privilege (in which case, kudos), living your life based on principle does not change anything for anyone else; it only leaves you worse off.

And though I could tell people that all it takes is hard work to “get what you want in life”, it simply wouldn’t be true. I am not trying to be condescending, but you have seriously been drinking the Kool Aid, if you think that successful careers are only the result of hard work. More often than not, it’s hard work in combination with connections, a privileged upbringing, a good school, and/or an important last name. And yes, effort counts, but my mother, for example, worked as hard as she could for three decades and at the end of the day, she is still a maid. Even if she worked twice as hard, she would probably still be a maid. She showed up to this country without knowing English or possessing an American degree, disadvantages that aren’t erased just through sheer force of will. The ugly fact of the matter is that individuals come from different starting points, advantages are distributed unevenly, and yet all of us are forced to compete in the same market economy. Unless you believe that poor people are only poor because they’re too lazy, then you have to agree that those who came from the “right” family and attended the “right” school are going to fare much better than those who didn’t. I’d rather admit that the Harvard brand is what made my blog popular (and a book deal viable) than fool you into thinking that it’s really just my extraordinary writing ability and endless work ethic. To me, there’s no shame in admitting that I get a lot of unjustified credibility because of where I went to school. That’s the truth, and I’d rather own up to it — humble or not — than sell my readers some hackneyed version of the American Dream.

More burning questions? Ask them here.

Related posts on privilege and meritocracy:

Reader Question: “Do you think being a freelance writer is a sustainable career?”
On Privilege & the Ivy League
Reader Question: “How did your parents feel about you going to Harvard but not going pre-med?”
Reader Question: “Aren’t you anxious/scared about life postgrad especially since you don’t want the normal 9-to-5?”