The most frequently asked reader questions I receive (and the ones I am least qualified to answer) are the following:

How did you manage to get into Harvard? Most people say that getting into the Ivies are a crap shoot for anyone. Did you have awesome stats? Valedictorian? 1600 SAT? Save African orphans during your free time? Do you have any tips or strategies?

Hi, I know this is such a typical overachiever question to ask, but how did you manage to get into Harvard? What did you do in high school to get that “golden ticket”? I’m about to be a junior, and I’d really like to know. Thanks so much; your blog really kicks ass!

Hey, I kinda liked those nude pictures. And your female empowering blog. Is it ok to like both?

Oh, silly me, that last one wasn’t a high schooler, just someone with a terribly contradictory world view, how tragic.

Anyway, step 1 to getting into Harvard: Arrange to be born into a wealthy family fond of making selfless philanthropic donations to educational institutions.

KIDDING!

But no, seriously, that helps a lot.

Ahem, ahem, time to be serious. To be brutally honest, there is no magic formula for us commoners that guarantees Harvard admission. If I knew this magic formula, I would bottle it, patent it, make millions, and retire to aforementioned Southern European villa to entertain guests I fly in from all corners of the world. But I don’t. So, alas, looks like I’m staying in frigid-ass Boston.

I’m going to use the very anecdotal example of myself to illustrate what a potentially successful Harvard application might look like, but please remember that I went to high school when flared-bottom jeans were making a comeback, so take this advice with a grain of salt. You kids these days are even crazier and more competitive than my crazy competitive then-classmates. (I went to a school that was 50 percent first-generation Asian Americans, so I should know.) And I was NOT, by any means, a model student. And I’m not a college admissions counselor. Though I did manage to get into college without one, so there’s that.

Anyway. I digress. I was a good, but not always motivated student with a really academically obsessed mother. Thus, for fear of being locked into my room with a poster of the multiplication tables (which actually once happened when I was six), I never got outright bad grades. Still, I wasn’t the type to get straight-A’s either, because I simply didn’t care about doing well in Trigonometry or Calculus or OH GOD Chemistry. (Have I mentioned that I took Advanced Placement Chemistry? No? That’s because I repressed the memory until now.) I basically hated math and science after middle school and never managed to ace any of the classes in those fields, but once you were placed on the “honors” track at my high school, you had to do pretty bad to get kicked out. So I somehow made it through several years of advanced courses which I took expressly for the purpose of beefing up my college application and in which I had no particular interest. Needless to say, I was much more enthused about the humanities and social sciences and as a result, also did better in those subjects. My weighted GPA was 3.97, which placed me at #30 out of roughly 750 in my graduating class (I went to a huge public school).

Want to know my AP scores? They’re not amazing, but here you go:

American History 4, Chemistry 2, English Literature 5, European History 4, Government and Politics - American 5, Calculus AB 3 (which I got a C in), Psychology 4, Spanish Language 1. (I fell asleep during the last exam but to be frank, to this day, I cannot speak Spanish, so I really deserved that 1. Also, I spent most of Chemistry class making out with my boyfriend.)

My SAT score was 1530 (790 Verbal, 740 Math) which is a 2295 on the new scale. My SAT IIs were all in the 700 range. I was also a National Merit Scholar Finalist, which is determined through PSAT scores, I believe. I test well, don’t I? That’s because I realized halfway through my sophomore year of high school that I needed to learn how to jump through these ridiculous hoops if I ever wanted to get out of Southern California. But let’s not kid ourselves, okay? Standardized testing is a totally bullshit measure of intelligence. If you want to get into Harvard and have subpar grades like I did, learning how to fake it via the SAT is probably your best shot. For your benefit, here is a totally unscientific sampling of SAT scores of the six Harvard students and alums Lena found on her G-chat contact list a moment ago:

1440, 1450, 1500, 1510, 1600*, and 2240 (from the only person I know who isn’t an oldie like me)

* This person took the SAT twice and submitted the highest score from each sitting

You’re going to have to convert those numbers yourself to the 2400-scale. (Because I don’t know math, remember?)

Okay, next up: Extracurriculars! I think these are what got me in, because I clearly didn’t discover my own mathematical theorem anything. I did speech and debate for four years: Lincoln-Douglas for three, Congress for senior year, and Extemp for three even though it constantly terrified me and I oscillated between being really good at it and forgetting speeches in the middle of speeches. My school most definitely did not compete on the national circuit (again, we were poor and underfunded). My biggest moment of glory was scooping up at TOC bid at Berkeley despite showing up to the final round half an hour late because I incorrectly assumed I had gotten eliminated. I was never sent my shiny, golden plate for placing in that competition, which bums me out because that could be Hamlet’s food dish. I would later attend college with the kind of kids who probably played frisbee with the shiny, golden goodies they picked up every weekend of high school at these tournaments. </end debate geekiness> My other big commitment: I was copy editor of my school newspaper for two years and the co-editor-in-chief my senior year, won a couple regional writing things, and once suggested a sex column which was promptly rejected. In between, I somehow clocked 100 community service hours a year and also interned at E! Entertainment the summer before college apps were due. I’m pretty sure I did/won a bunch of other minor things that I listed on my application but which are clearly insignificant since I can no longer remember them today.

I had good recommendation letters, all of which emphasized my love for writing. Even my history teacher wrote about my passion for journalism, which was bizarre because it had nothing to do with anything he’d taught me. My essays were on debate and newspaper and I like to think that they didn’t suck, because that sure would have invalidated the whole this-girl-is-a-good-writer schtick I had going.

My interviewer liked me a lot. That helped seal the deal, I’m sure. Also, I applied early, which demonstrated that I would probably attend if admitted. I was and I did. (I was rejected from Yale in regular admissions. Not even wait-listed!)

Here is the part that no one applying to Harvard is going to want to read: You’re probably not going to get in. I’m not saying this to be a bitch, and I’m certainly not saying this because I think I’m better than you. (In fact, I suspect that most overachieving high school kids are boatloads more impressive than me.) But the reality of the situation is that only 7 out of 100 kids who apply end up getting into Harvard. The acceptance rate for my class was tough but not seemingly impossible. We also didn’t have as many college counselors, helicopter parents, or study drugs as you bright, young, medicated things. The odds are against you, and I am not saying you shouldn’t apply, but don’t be disappointed if Harvard doesn’t send you a fat envelope. You’re in good company.

And if you do get in? Pat yourself on the back, but not too hard. We all know that meritocracy’s a sham.

More burning questions? Ask them here.