Do we place too much importance on romantic relationships?
“My Date With Lena” is currently (and inexplicably) the fourth most-read articles on The Harvard Crimson website. If you haven’t had the chance to read this article, Avishai writes a little bit about the part in our conversation where I told him that I didn’t think it was necessarily healthy for people to place so much importance on their romantic relationships. There’s a tendency elevate romantic love above everything else and to elevate partners above friends and family. (Just think of the concept of the “soul mate” for example.) Here is my reasoning, on the other hand: I am crazy in love with Patrick, but I would go nuts without Jason or my other friends, and my relationship would probably suffer as a result because I’d be completely over-dependent on my boyfriend. And as great as he is, no single person can entirely fulfill my emotional needs. I don’t have any friends who do that, so why should I expect my partner to? Isn’t that just setting yourself up for disappointment?
Granted, Patrick is in many ways the most significant person in my life in that his choices have the biggest impact on mine, but largely, that is because we live together and are partners. By partners, I mean that we make decisions about major life-altering issues, such as career plans, with the other person in mind. Does that make his preferences and choices more consequential than those of other people in my life? Certainly. But if we weren’t together and I had instead hitched my wagon to Kennedy’s star, then I’d probably feel the same way about her. My point is this: if my relationship ended tomorrow, I should mourn but I shouldn’t feel as if I have nothing else left. And if someone doesn’t have a romantic relationship, that shouldn’t invalidate the rest of their life (whether they’re 22 like me or 50).
The fewer people who place their partners on pedestals, the healthier relationships will be.
(Little-known fact: when people asked me a couple years ago what I’d be doing after graduation, I often said that I planned on following Kennedy to Europe or wherever she went abroad. I was half-serious, but essentially did just that when I lived with her in Heidelberg for six weeks after my junior year of college.)
