Because one can only post so many angry letters per day. Also, YAY I HAVE A HOME!
Dear Sexual Partner,
Thanks for going apartment viewing for me! That was kind and unnecessary, and I will dogsit eagerly and often in gratitude (and because Hamlet will now have a pal for company). I miss you and look forward to touching you inappropriately the second you pick me up at the airport next week. At 5am. Have I mentioned how much I love you?
P.S. I’m sure you’re thrilled that I now have my own place to trash.


