This is how we fight.

• Me: Nazi.
• Patrick: Drama queen.
• Me: Albino.
• Patrick: Bimbo.
• Me: Eurotrash.
• Patrick: Eurotramp.
• Me: Yalie.
• Patrick: Cantab.
• Me: Helloooo, that's something to be proud of seeing as how I don't attend a SAFETY SCHOOL.
• Patrick: The majority of people at Harvard wouldn't have GOTTEN INTO Yale due to utter lack of coolness.
• Me: Which you obviously exhibited as a 20-year-old German boy.
• Patrick: Yes, I was a pretty fucking cool customer.
• Me: A COOL CUSTOMER? Who are you?! Who am I fucking? Holy lord.
• Patrick: Oh, now that you ran out of substantive things to say. You attack my LANGUAGE. Desperation, Lena, is a stinky cologne.
• Me: NOT as stinky as YOURS.
• Patrick: GREEEAT comeback. You win the witty comeback of the day award.
• Me: You win the Not Getting Laid This Summer award.
• Patrick: Did I miss something?
• Me: Judging from your taste in music, the years 2003-2008.
• [And then just as quickly ....]
• Patrick: It's Gay Pride in Boston today
• Me: I know.
• Patrick: Huge rally on Boylston Street.
• Me: Deval Patrick is marching.
• Patrick: Cool. He's not gay though, right?
• Me: Daughter is.
• Patrick: Interesting.
• Me: Can we have sex soon? Fighting makes me horny.
• Patrick: Me too.