A ton of my girlfriends wonder how I muster up the courage to approach guys. Like anything else, I think practice makes perfect. I’ve been forward about my feelings (sometimes ridiculously so) since like … 15. I think the reason people get scared of putting themselves out there is because they risk uncertainty and rejection (not something Ivy-educated kids are used to). But do anything enough times and rejection won’t phase you anymore. After years of practice, I’m immune to embarassment and don’t take disinterest personally (maybe because heartbreak in comparison is much, much worse).

In any case, I went back later today to the store. Someone else’s register freed up first but I pointed to his and said, “I’ll wait for this one.” The boy definitely recognized me, even though I had changed into a dress and different coat. I reached for a packet of gum by the counter — just a cheap excuse to be there — and tossed it down in front of him along with my AmEx. “So, you old enough to drink?” I asked. “Yeah, actually.” “Really? How old are you?” He seriously could’ve been in high school. “21. I know. I look 15.” He handed me my receipt and I scribbled something half-readable. He was smiling, less embarassed than earlier but he definitely still didn’t have any idea what to do with himself. “So, when do you get out of work?” I asked. “6 … but I have band practice after.” Coupled with his earlier disclosure that he went to an art school, I immediately thought, Oh, so you’re one of those. “And what about tomorrow?” “I’m out of here at 10.” I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he said yes. I picked up the pen again and wrote down my number below my signature. “Call me ____” I read the name off his nametag. “And you are …?” he asked. I pointed him to the receipt. He glanced down at the signature and I realized it was barely legible. “Lena,” I said and spelled it for him.

Maybe I approach guys because it puts me in a position of power.