You know what was awesome? When I had this blog a la single on the side. And I apparently shared too much. TMI for any guy. “No one will want to date you when you have a blog like this.” It went like this: even if you find someone open minded enough, who really doesn’t care what you write, he’ll care if his friends find it. If his parents find it. He’ll be embarrassed of you. Either shut it down, or just stop already.

So let me get this straight. Stop writing honestly about my single life in case some guy (whom I haven’t even met yet) has a problem with it? Because it’s a real turn off. Because men like a chase. Because people can google this forever. Because women should preserve a veil of mystery. Stop doing everything you’re driven to do, and then you’ll find someone. Mmm, yeah. Great advice.

Surprisingly, not everyone is turned off by how a woman they’ll possibly some day marry writes … And the best part is, in being who you are, you meet other people who care only about that: who you really are. They don’t care what you look like on paper, what their buddies think, or if you’ll fit into his family dynamic. You attract people who are enchanted with the real you. And there’s nothing sweeter than being rewarded for what you already love to do. For just being you. All needy, psycho, and shit.

… most of us are just your average (flawed) human beings. And the odds are, SOMEONE out there will find us captivating.

But if we market ourselves as something we’re not - in my case, for example, as a reticent, quiet wallflower who always makes the “appropriate” choices, who never struggles with any confusion, who enjoys the color brown - I would find someone who loved that, and not me.

When we fall into this trap, we start to believe that we’re not good enough to be loved for who we are, but the truth is, we’re not good enough to be loved for who we pretend to be.

Anyway, that’s a long way of saying I’m going to continue to put myself out there, because that is who I am. And you can like it, or not, it really doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to me - because if you don’t like it, I wouldn’t want you around anyway, you know??

:)

— juliaallison

Julia sent me this excerpt, which sums up my feelings on the subject perfectly. It’s a constant struggle to stay true to myself when in the back of my mind is the fear that no one is going to want or love me just as I am — flamboyant and open and very unashamed about things that we are taught pretty much from childhood to be ashamed of. But then if I can find fantastic friends who do not only love me but support me and are PROUD of me for being all of these things, then there is no reason why I should expect less out of a guy. There’s no reason why I should shut up or hold back for a guy.

And yes, it is really really hard to find someone to love you even when you’re a perfectly “normal”, non-public person; and it is that much harder to find someone when you pile on some of the quirks I have. But there’s obviously a guy out there for me, who won’t mind all of this bullshit, who might even love me precisely because I don’t give a damn. And how fucking fantastic is that guy going to be?