Yes, I’m procrastinating. I got thinking about high school journalism and now I’m totally sidetracked. When I was 17, not only did I try to convince my high school to run a sex column but I definitely sent in some racy material to writing competitions. Clearly, I was WELL on my way to doing whatever the hell you call my current occupation (“unqualified sexpert”?). This is a timeline of my literary aspirations:

Age 8- Decided I wanted to be a writer after receiving an A- on a six-sentence masterpiece I called “Spring”. Um, I was really pissed at the only other girl who did better than me on this project. She got an A. I can’t believe I still remember this.

Age 12- Narrowed in on journalism, probably after one of those “what do you want to do when you grow up?” assignments.

Age 14- Joined my high school newspaper, which was literally one of only a handful of weekly high school pubs in the nation.

Age 15- Became the youngest copy editor on the journalism staff, basically fourth in command, next to the editors in chief and the senior copy editor. Started writing in a LiveJournal.

Age 16- Resigned from copy ed position after some controversy. Named editor in chief at year’s end anyway. This is what we call redemption. Went to San Diego for NSPA conference.

Summer 2004- Worked at E! Entertainment in human resources. Realized: maybe I want to be an entertainment journalist.

Age 17/Fall 2004- Finances forced the paper to go biweekly which made me really sad. On we forged anyway! Colleges to apply to included USC, Columbia, Northwestern, all places with good communication/journalism programs. Got into Harvard early, unexpectedly, as a government major. Turned out: every single recommendation letter (even the ones written by people who weren’t my journalism adviser) talked about my journalistic aspirations.

Spring 2005- Won a bunch of writing-related scholarships/awards, including 1st place at regionals for feature writing. Huge point of pride: led the paper to a ton of victories at competitions. Went to Seattle for NSPA conference. Wrote my first columns at the end of senior year.

Summer 2005- Worked at CNN Entertainment in production. Brain numbing internship basically tracking Brangelina. Realized: entertainment journalism = not for me.

Age 18/Fall 2005- Started frosh year at Harvard. Comped The Crimson. Became an official staffer for their weekend magazine. Worked for the first time with April, who is still the best editor I’ve ever had and now a very good friend of mine.

Summer 2006- PR and marketing internships. Realized: copywriting/press releases = not for me. Started writing Sex Blog v.1 on LiveJournal. Called it “Chicktionary”. Clever, eh?

Age 19/August 2006- Started SexandtheIvy.com.

September 2006- Landed my first freelance gig writing a reporting piece for Hustler.

Fall 2006- Controversy, press, depression, blah, blah, blah, all because of my blog.

Spring 2007- More freelance gigs, met tons and tons of writers including Rachel, Grant, and Julia, in addition to fellow college sex scribes Jessica Gold Haralson (from Penn) and Miriam Datskovsky (from Columbia), AND all the editors I worked with. Think: maybe I should write a book.

Age 20/Summer 2007- New York. Helped start this, lived with a fellow blogger, and hit creative roadblock with the blog. Do not work on my book proposal.

Fall 2007- More creative roadblock. Haven’t freelanced for AGES. Do a couple gigs that don’t work out. Am a lazy motherfucker about writing. Book proposal = still stuck.

January 2008- Shut that baby down (not because of the asshole ex but because of the roadblock). No more sex blogging, just life blogging at … TheChicktionary.com. Hah, taking it back to when I was 17! Started from scratch to finish a somewhat coherent pitch for a memoir. Also, talking to editors again re: freelancing.

(I should note that “chicktionary” was a term I stole from my best friend’s boyfriend. They’re still together. I’m still abusing this copyright!)

Whew. And that’s the last decade of my life.

In retrospect, it really wasn’t until I started writing SexandtheIvy.com that I segued into the column and first-person narrative and now that’s pretty much my thing. I wanted to go into hardcore reporting for the longest time and set my sights on journalism school (Medill @ Northwestern was my top pick). Kind of got sidetracked when I got into Harvard. After being a wishy-washy member of The Crimson and briefly considering a career in finance (unbelievable, right?), I wound up starting the infamous sex blog on a whim … and voila. Back to writing. How totally roundabout.

Also, I can’t believe I spent my first year and a half at college forgetting about my dreams. That’s what the Ivy League will do to you. If you told my 17-year-old self I’d be ditching writing after a year at Harvard, I would’ve told you to GTFO. God, my freshman self was so stupid, giving up on all my aspirations like they were nothing. I have nothing against changing your mind, etc. (I mean, we’re not even old enough to drink!) but when you’re SURE you know what you want to do with your life, so sure that every part of you feels it, then it’s incredibly scary that there’s a place out there (I think we call this place “Harvard” and/or “real wordl”) that can change all that overnight.

I will always want to write. If it is ever not a part of my life, it is because I have been replaced by a Stepford wife. Call the authorities.