This is an advance apology for all of the people who aren’t getting an adequate explanation from me, who probably won’t ever hear the whole story. I’m sorry because I probably owe it to you, to my friends, but I just can’t. Telling people about where I’m coming from is exhausting, all the more so because they don’t get it and I know they won’t get it. This happens time and time again. I just get frustrated. Better to not try at all.

I have a tendency to open up toward certain individuals and to retreat from others. I love my blockmates more than ever but they are still not the ones I go to for understanding. I didn’t say anything during my crippling freshman angst; I barely let them in for the sophomore version. This time around, they’re informed. But they don’t get it and they don’t say the right things and I could explain to them what the right things are, but I’d really just rather not.

What I need right now are people who are so close to me it hurts (i.e. Kennedy) or people who don’t know me at all. No one in between, no one who I love but do not share a certain understanding with, no one who’s a casual party acquaintance. No, I need strangers. Or kin. My cousin Ben helped tremendously in San Francisco. He’s the only person in my family who gets me.

Kennedy helps. She gets it. The two of us are fucking familiar with pain and depression and discontent. They’re the things that bond us as sisters in lieu of blood.

And guys get it. Or at least they offer a perspective that I like because hearing something from your hot, new fuck buddy is way more convincing and attractive than hearing it from a concerned health professional.

But concerned health professionals get it too. Who knew therapy worked? My god, I’d probably be in an asylum right now if I didn’t have a year’s worth behind me when this whole crisis started.

This is not actually an announcement by the way, even though the first paragraph is written like one. I highly doubt anyone I care about (i.e. have written about) reads this (especially since most people I care/wrote about are in the midst of exams). As for people who don’t personally know me, well, it matters not what they think or read. I thought about allowing comments on this blog. I don’t want to. I’m writing for me and no matter how many times I employ the second person, it is still pretty easy to pretend like no one is watching this. And I really like that.