the ch!cktionary — The Year in Dealbreakers

22 Dec 2011
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Check out Amanda Hess’ round-up of “Dealbreakers” columns that ran this year on GOOD Magazine (including the one I wrote: He’s Got An Asian Fetish).

I’ve been reading the series semi-religiously (sort of like what I used to do with the New York Times’ Modern Love before it became increasingly contrived). I’ve loved some of the pieces, grimaced at others, and been thoroughly impressed by the emotional honesty of many of the contributors. I wanted to share some of my favorites below:

“He’s Dated Men” by Helena Andrews

I wrote about this when it first came out, and I still think this is one of the most powerful personal essays I’ve read anywhere, because it’s incredibly difficult — especially as a self-identified “progressive” — to admit that you hold prejudices. Helena’s story is significant particularly because her mom is gay and she still can’t overcome her bias against bisexual men. It’s a tale I’d expect from a conservative, not from someone who resembles myself.

“He Has A ‘Girlfriend’” by Zack Rosen

Zack’s essay inspired this post on the “fag hag” phenomenon and associated gay stereotypes. The reasons I like it are probably clear from that post. Gay male/straight female friendships are so frequently celebrated in pop culture (in an entirely superficial manner, of course), but there are plenty of not-so-healthy versions of these relationships. Just like you’d expect with hetero pals, there can be some seriously dysfunctional habits, and it’s amplified by the fact that one party’s sexual orientation is often fetishized.

“She Needed Me” by Mike Riggs / “He’s On the Rebound” by Jessica Guilfoyle

Both of these columns shared some painful and all-too-common romantic experiences without blaming the other party or making the writer seem faultless in what went wrong. The latter is what really resonated with me, because relationships aren’t about one person and what they did or didn’t do. I wish I admitted this in my own column, but things would have turned out quite differently had I simply been brave enough to confront the guy about my concerns.

Those are my favorites (do give them a read!), and you can see the whole archive here.