Anonymous asked: A friend of mine told me that he found it "intriguing" that I love to knit & cook & wear full-circle skirts circa 1950 but also call myself a feminist. I am a hardcore DIY-er & crafts-person, and I consider myself pretty (retro)fashion forward...does that make me a Bad Feminist (sometimes)?
Girl, I worship at the altar of Hello Kitty, routinely wear push-up bras, and gave a blowjob for breakfast yesterday. I’m like the Worst Feminist Ever, but I could really give less of a crap. The reason why I started writing Bad Feminist Confessions is because I was frustrated by people holding me to ridiculous standards. If I like sex, I can’t be a feminist. If I cook for my dude, I can’t be a feminist. If I eschew pants and embrace bow-adorned garments, I most definitely cannot be feminist.
Look, it’s not what you do that determines your feminism, it’s why you do it. I hate saying the tired old line that “feminism is about choice”, because let’s face it, a lot of people make shitty choices with zero self-awareness. The women parading around in Girls Gone Wild videos? They are not liberated, choice-making feminists, not unless you think “choosing” to cater to the male gaze is empowerment. Let’s not fool ourselves here!
However, your decision to turn doilies into lampshades and mine to don sequin-covered skirts are not decisions that we’re making because we believe they’re integral to our value as people. We’re not doing it because it’s expected of us and we’re not doing it because we want to please our partners. You presumably find genuine enjoyment in DIY projects and retro fashion just as I view cooking and home entertaining to be fulfilling activities. But neither of us is suggesting that these are the only appropriate interests a woman should have and that we are somehow superior to others for doing these things well.
And as long as I’m living the way I want to live and not the way I think I ought to live as a woman, I think I’m pretty damn feminist.
More burning questions? Ask Lena Chen, self-professed “bad feminist”.
