(In which two best friends roadtrip from Boston to D.C. for an engagement party)

A tale told in photos:

At first, Jason believed the NJ tourism bureau’s assurances that he and New Jersey were “perfect together”. Four hours of congestion later, he was less enamoured.

Sometimes, a wardrobe change is in order. And sometimes, it occurs at a rest stop in Maryland. (Look closely at what’s occurring behind that plaid-clad pedestrian.)

We stayed at Foggy Bottom with my ex-boyfriend, Daniel, who made me my first matzo ball soup at 1am. Munchies have never been satisfied in such a kosher manner.

Daniel took us to 51st State Tavern, where he and Jason enjoyed their beers at a leisurely pace while I developed a severe allergic reaction to the EIGHT mosquito bites I received PER calf. I was less than pleased; the boys were less than sober.

The next morning, we went to Georgetown for brunch at Peacock Cafe (a place that looks like it was hip … in 1998) and a quick stop at the D.C. location of Second Time Around, my fave consignment store.

En route to the engagement party in Arlington, Virginia! D.C.’s public transport is far superior to most other American cities (at least, the ones I’ve been to/lived in). The metro is clean, open late on the weekends, and extensive. Like particularly pleasant twats.

Inside the Foggy Bottom metro station, I attempted to replicate this photo from my fall D.C. trip. Success!

Meanwhile, Jason attempted to impersonate a 5’ 2”, 108-pound Asian woman. Um, fail.

Unlike some people, Megan is reasonable enough to not embark on an 11-hour road trip and flew in from Iowa for this shindig. She had to check her boobs upon departure. (Mine, on the other hand, appear carry-on size next to hers.)

“Yay, what a refreshing dip!” (Disclaimer: I am not actually capable of swimming.)

Lounging after the celebratory crab feast in my awesome (and awesomely cheap) monokini from American Eagle, retailer to 14-year-old girls across America.

Because we are extremely mature individuals, Jason and I sometimes make racially inappropriate jokes at the other’s expense. When it comes to facial expressions, it is usually at my expense. I tried extremely hard to look white here. (Jason also does a mean Chinese Valley Girl accent.)

At the time, I believed this photo was the most clever thing I’d ever done. In retrospect, I really didn’t mean to come off as so anti-anal. I’m not, really.

Apparently, patriotism means endorsing greasy slabs of beef.

In conclusion, there are few people who I can stand for more than 20 minutes at a time. Jason and I spent 63 consecutive hours and over 1,000 miles together. This is why we’re best friends.