Anonymous asked: You've written a lot about catcalling, street harassment, etc. recently, and it's started me wondering; I've never been the type of guy to wolf whistle, catcall, or do anything overt (beyond occasionally staring a little less than discreetly) when confronted with a gorgeous stranger, but I'm curious as to whether, in your opinion, there's a non-confrontational way to communicate "Holy shit, you look hot!" to someone you don't know well enough to actually say that to.
It’s totally possible to do this! The last time I was in New York, I was walking down Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg clad in my best attempt at a hipster uniform. Down the street, some guy yells, “Love the boots, love the shorts, love the whole package!” Which … okay, so he might’ve been acting like a judge on America’s Next Top Model, but whatever, I didn’t feel particularly objectified. In part, that’s because I think it’s fine to tell a stranger that what they’re wearing is hot. I do that to other women sometimes. What I don’t do is address strangers with phrases like “baby”, “sweetheart”, “sexy”, etc. You get the idea. That’s just creepy.
Luckily, it seems like men who catcall are definitely in the minority. Most guys I know would never holler at some random girl on the street, not only because that behavior is crude, but also because it’s not a particularly effective strategy for getting someone interested. If you want to approach a girl, just keep in mind that she doesn’t owe you anything. A lot of women are leery of male strangers because of prior experiences in which we’ve been objectified, subject to rudeness, or even threatened. So don’t take it personally if someone appears uninterested, in a rush, or flat-out unfriendly. Usually, I feel a huge need to be polite to people, but I’ve also had countless incidents where that’s backfired on me and the guy thinks I’m interested because I haven’t shooed him away. (Though I’m the professed feminist, Patrick is the one who frequently reminds me that I can’t default to passive behavior just because I don’t want to offend a stranger.) Don’t lay on the pressure and if a girl is interested, she’ll make it known.
More questions? Ask Lena Chen here.
Related posts on street harassment:
Bad Feminist Confessions: “I don’t always talk back to cat-callers”
What were you wearing when you were street harassed?
Sex and the Ivy: A Letter To My Assailant
In Which I Kick Some Dude’s BMW
Angry Woman Beats A Sex Crime Suspect On Subway Platform
On Catcalling and Public Harassment
