the ch!cktionary

    26 Aug 2010

    A Final Word On The “Harvard Factor”

    You do ride a lot on your Harvard education, more than you should. Open up your pretty little eyes: Having a Harvard degree, just by itself, is not going to land you places … When you’re at the elite school level, you don’t get compared against the rest of the pool; you get compared against people from other elite schools. Shitty economy aside, it’s still hard to land a job for us, because we have to measure up to brainiacs from other elite schools with a perfect GPA and a bazillion internships. Your Harvard sociology degree will look like shit next to the MIT econ major’s. — Anonymous Reader

    You know, I will be the first to say that I’m completely unqualified to be an investment banker. (Hear that, employers? Lena Chen cannot figure out Excel.) I’m also not qualified for a job at a research lab, a paragliding school, or the local zoo. See? Lots of knowledge that a Harvard education doesn’t equip you with!

    But seriously? If our major competition consists of MIT econ majors, we do not have it that tough.

    I’ve observed that what I wrote about this topic has rubbed a ton of people the wrong way: both the alums of elite institutions and also those who didn’t attend them. I have a theory why:

    1. Those who didn’t go to an elite institution think that the subtext to my argument is that they’re “inferior” for not having a fancy pedigree.
    2. Those who did attend an elite school think that I’m dismissing their hard work and writing off their success as a result of their academic affiliations.

    First off, I do not think I’m better than you because of where I went to school. Are there advantages? Sure. But that doesn’t mean I’m better. Second, you may work damn hard as the graduate of an elite school, but other people may work comparably hard and do not make nearly as much money. It doesn’t mean that you’re just riding on your degree, but it does mean that you’re — relatively speaking — rather privileged. Take for example, this article from The Crimson, which shows that even newly minted Harvard grads make over $60,000 a year, nearly $20,000 more than the typical American male (who, on average, is probably much older). Obviously, this figure doesn’t represent everyone (it’s like twice my expected annual salary) but it does demonstrate that there’s a real discrepancy in income between those who attend elite schools and those who don’t.

    As I wrote in my original post on the topic:

    A Harvard degree, of course, does not mean you will definitely get a job, and sure, some of my friends graduated without offers. But let’s be real, their unemployment is temporary and bears little resemblance to the unemployment facing most bewildered college grads. (I don’t just assume this; the non-Harvard grads I know have a much tougher time than their equally unemployed Ivy counterparts.) Unless they are one of the few who come from a truly impoverished background, most Harvard kids are able to get by until they find something. It’s just that many want very specific jobs, often located in New York, which pay a certain wage and select among a candidate pool filled with other Harvard grads. And my unemployed classmates have yet to land one of those jobs yet. There’s nothing wrong with holding out for a good gig, but let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that an unemployed Harvard kid has the same lot as your typical unemployed American who can’t make ends meet. All kidding about my “banking back-up plan” aside, I think you have to agree that an Ivy Leaguer is going to have an easier time on the market.

    I think the reason why people are so resistant to acknowledging their privilege is because they see themselves and their friends working really hard. And maybe they haven’t landed the jobs they’ve wanted, maybe they’re having to settle, and maybe this whole post-grad thing is not working out the way they originally planned. Look, I never said that Harvard grads don’t have anything to worry about, ever. But when I write about privilege and the fact that some people have it while others don’t, it comes off as really entitled when some of the responses are, “BUT HARVARD KIDS HAVE IT TOUGH TOO! IT’S NOT SO EASY COMPETING AGAINST MIT!” I mean, really? I know young people who are on unemployment, state-subsidized healthcare, and food stamps. A few are graduates of elite schools, but most aren’t and they would probably laugh in your face if you came to them with your life woes. The job search you’re undertaking may be hard, but it’s still a privileged one. And you know what, recognizing one’s privilege — say, in the case of Male Privilege — is usually interpreted as a good thing, a sign of self-awareness.

    As I told one reader:

    While I don’t love everything about my school (who does?), I totally acknowledge the fact that it gives me a leg up — and that’s not something that’s just a myth. But part of the problem with explaining that meritocracy is a sham is that there’s not really a nice way of doing so, when so many people are invested on the idea that their hard work means they “deserve” the end result.

    We live in a market economy. No one really “deserves” their lot. Almost everyone who makes money in America makes money off the back of someone else, someone who makes less, who lives with less, who may be just as hard-working but was less fortuitous when it came to life circumstances. There’s nothing fair about the way our economy is organized,  and nothing fair about the way my income or your income is determined. When I say, “I have privilege because of my degree, and you might have privilege because of yours”, it’s not that I’m trying to condemn you for having advantages that others don’t have. A lot of people have things that others don’t have. Nor am I suggesting that you rip up your diploma and head for an ascetic life in the mountains. Obviously, that’s not going to change the world either. What will change the world — in my view, at least — is if more people begin to acknowledge the way wealth is distributed, not on the basis of need or on the basis of hard work, but largely on the basis of pre-existing wealth and pedigree. And once enough of us recognize the inherent injustice in an economy such as this one, maybe we’ll also be more willing to challenge the very system that conferred upon us all this privilege in the first place.

    26 Aug 2010

    When Patrick and I went to the Tate Modern this summer, he took some gorgeous black-and-white photos on his camera (a Leica M6 for all of those asking).
This is just one of me goofing off.

    When Patrick and I went to the Tate Modern this summer, he took some gorgeous black-and-white photos on his camera (a Leica M6 for all of those asking).

    This is just one of me goofing off.

    25 Aug 2010

    My favorite Boston-area consignment store, Second Time Around, is having their “Midnight Madness” sale today and tomorrow. All their summer merchandise, which is already priced at a fraction of retail cost, will be marked down a further 70 percent. I LOVE this sale and have always found such great stuff from it. I live within a five block radius of three Second Time Around locations, and as a STA devotee, I’ve also checked out their stores in DC and New York. (They’ve expanded to a ton of East Coast cities over the past couple years!) Click on the promo poster above for a list of participating store locations and hours.
A consignment-shopping newbie? Read my beginner’s guide to scoring second-hand deals.
Boston 176 Newbury St., Boston, MA, (617) 247-3504219 Newbury St., Boston, MA, (617) 266-1113324 Newbury St., Boston, MA, (617) 236-202882 Charles St., Boston, MA, (617) 227-00498 Eliot St., Cambridge, MA, (617) 491-7185
New York 262 Mott St., New York, NY, 10012 (212) 965-8415111 Thompson St., New York, NY 10012, (212) 925-3919 1040 Lexington Ave., New York, NY 10021, (212) 628-0980
DC 3289 M Street Georgetown, DC 20007 (202) 333-2355

    My favorite Boston-area consignment store, Second Time Around, is having their “Midnight Madness” sale today and tomorrow. All their summer merchandise, which is already priced at a fraction of retail cost, will be marked down a further 70 percent. I LOVE this sale and have always found such great stuff from it. I live within a five block radius of three Second Time Around locations, and as a STA devotee, I’ve also checked out their stores in DC and New York. (They’ve expanded to a ton of East Coast cities over the past couple years!) Click on the promo poster above for a list of participating store locations and hours.

    A consignment-shopping newbie? Read my beginner’s guide to scoring second-hand deals.

    Boston
    176 Newbury St., Boston, MA, (617) 247-3504
    219 Newbury St., Boston, MA, (617) 266-1113
    324 Newbury St., Boston, MA, (617) 236-2028
    82 Charles St., Boston, MA, (617) 227-0049
    8 Eliot St., Cambridge, MA, (617) 491-7185

    New York
    262 Mott St., New York, NY, 10012 (212) 965-8415
    111 Thompson St., New York, NY 10012, (212) 925-3919
    1040 Lexington Ave., New York, NY 10021, (212) 628-0980

    DC
    3289 M Street Georgetown, DC 20007 (202) 333-2355

    25 Aug 2010

    Anonymous asked: You and Patrick and Hamlet are too cute. I want the dirty truth. Do you get in fights? Is one of you secretly insecure? Do you get jealous? Possessive? Come on, things can't actually be as perfect as they seem.

    No relationship is perfect, mind included! And when you live together, there are roommate dynamics to worry about in addition to romantic drama. Considering that we both work from home (Patrick on his dissertation, me on freelance writing) and spend the majority of the day together, we’re pretty good about sharing space and avoiding bickering. I think this is because our relationship is really egalitarian. Both of us contribute different things, but we also each pull our own weight. For example, Patrick is a total neat freak, which means that he spends way more time wiping, laundering, sweeping, etc. in a day than I do all week. On the other hand, I care a lot about eating good food while he’s happy with a burrito for dinner, so I’m always the one who cooks. This kind of division of labor seems to be, in my opinion, fair and feminist.

    It’s the same approach we take outside our relationship. Patrick and I spend a ton of time together and as a result, share some of our friends, but we still have social lives outside each other. I try not to be possessive of his time, since I see him more than anyone else does anyway. He’s not at all jealous of my male acquaintances and is as friendly with my exes as I am. After being together for so long, I trust him as much as I do any of my closest friends, some of whom I definitely couldn’t live with.

    And as for Hamlet, well, he’s a handful, and I wasn’t what anyone would call a “dog person” when I met my two Yalies. They’ve both grown on me since.

    More burning questions? Ask them here.

    25 Aug 2010

    Hate Mail of the Month

    Usually, I’m pretty good at sniffing out the riff raff on my blog, but distinguishing between trolling and ignorance is always a close call. I wasn’t quite sure which was the case when this hit my inbox after I wrote an article for Skirt! Magazine’s August issue (“What did Cosmo teach me about feminism?”):

    I have to say that I do not understand WHY “Skirt” would bother including one of your absolutely frivolous, dumb and weak article in their publication?  Are you really serious—  No wonder Harvard is putting out such uneducated graduates.  What a waste of money!!!!  I am a writer and find you very well lets just say a bit of a buffoon.  You are so willing to give away your privacy what is left I would ask you?

    I wish you the best, but you would think you would have more respect for yourself and other women.  I hope you find that G-spot after all that is of grave importance.  What do your parents think of your blog?  I am sure they just love it and discuss it over dinner right?

    I am sorry, but I  had to write you because I am amazed at how little class and respect you have for yourself and other women!  I guess with a rag like Skirt that is what they want to publish.   Sad!  The lack of real writing about real issues are really above their heads and obviously yours.

    Say what? Given the content of my not-so-incendiary article, I’m surprised they took my account of my Cosmo-reading days as such an … affront to their personal value system. But given the absence of crass language, I’m inclined to think that this letter writer is for real and not someone purposely trying to incite a reaction. Even I’ve written more controversial things, no? Likely, this woman read (or “read”) my piece, looked me up, and was terribly offended by my Google results. Not really my problem, though I’d still like to know what her beef was with my article.

    My response:

    If there are specific passages in the Skirt! piece that you take issue with, I’d be happy to discuss them and you can certainly leave a comment on the website where the piece is published. Without any excerpts, it’s hard for me to understand where some of your criticisms (lack of respect for myself/other women, “uneducated”, “frivolous”, and “dumb”, etc.) are coming from. If it isn’t clear from the article itself, I am critiquing women’s magazines for their non-substantive content and for their emphasis on consumerism/the beauty ideal (things that are harmful for women).

    As for my blog, I don’t see what my parents’ opinion has to do with anything. Again, if there is something specific on my blog that you take issue with, please make that clear instead of just making ad hominem statements.

    And the author’s answer:

    Did you find your G-Spot?  I am sure many have!  Women like you can never be considered writers—you are an overexposed Blogger!  Big difference!!!!!

    Troll or not, someone failed to look up the definition of ad hominem. Whatever.

    24 Aug 2010

    A Particularly Odd Trespass of Personal Space

    Is peeking under women’s umbrellas the new catcall? Because this happened to me yesterday in Brooklyn as I was crossing the intersection of Metropolitan and Bedford. I was so utterly outraged that someone would look under my umbrella, lick his lips, and say, “Oh my”, that I couldn’t even find the composure to ask the guy what the fuck he thought he was doing. I guess he wanted to see the head that went along with the body he’d presumably been checking out from afar? I have no idea.

    So next time you are scurrying about a major urban center, face hidden from view, happy as a clam, please realize that at any moment, a creepazoid might stick HIS HEAD under YOUR UMBRELLA. Be prepared. Nothing is sacred anymore.

    24 Aug 2010

    Anonymous asked: Ok so yesterday I had sex for the first time. It was with a friend of mine and it was, well I'm not sure how I should describe it but it was nice. We talked about it up front and after and it's probably a one time thing since I'm moving to another country for half a year.

    The thing is I'm not sure if I want to tell my friends. They're a little more conservative than me and I know they will judge me for sleeping with a guy who is not my boyfriend and probably never will be and I don't know I want to hear that. On the other hand, they're my friends and hiding it would probably feel like lying.

    What do you think I should do? Ever been in a similar situation? I know it's a weird question to ask you, but well, I can't really ask my friends so..

    You know, normally, I would say, don’t worry about what your friends think as long as you’re making choices that are right for you, but in this case, I’m not even sure you should feel any sort of obligation to reveal all the details of your love/sex life. These experiences are yours and your partner’s. Would your friends expect you to spill family secrets? Probably not. So perhaps being guarded about a one-night stand shouldn’t be equated to “lying”.

    I’ve had a couple similar experiences so I can relate. When I first started writing Sex and the Ivy, there were a lot of things about me that people felt entitled to know. And that entitlement made me feel really uncomfortable, as if I didn’t have any privacy or secrets of my own. Compounding the problem was that I lived at the time in a suite of six women, where you couldn’t sneak in overnight visitors if you tried. Some of these women are my closest friends to this day, but nonetheless, it was really hard to live with zero secrets. They may have been my biggest cheerleaders when it came to critics of my blogs, but there were plenty of things I did back then that they didn’t approve of (perhaps rightfully so) and plenty of things I did that they didn’t necessarily understand. I didn’t want to share every single anecdote of my sophomore year with my roommates, but it happened anyway because of our living situation.

    There was definitely a point at which I realized that our rooming arrangement was bad for my mental health and probably bad for everyone else’s too. It was just too much estrogen in too small a place, and it didn’t help that we were all rather entrenched in each other’s lives. For a variety of factors, all of us split up for junior year; two transferred Houses, two moved into an off-campus apartment together, and two stayed.

    And you know what? I think this saved a lot of friendships. I don’t think that being close friends with someone requires sharing everything and anything and trying to force that model of friendship can actually be really detrimental. If you can deal with whatever backlash you may get from your friends, perhaps you should be open with your experience and try to change their minds about non-relationship sex. But if it’s a lost cause or if you simply don’t feel like spilling the beans, then by all means, keep your secrets. You’re entitled to them.

    More burning questions? Ask them here.

    Related posts on blogging and privacy:
    Sex and the Ivy: Then & Now
    Musings From A Reformed Attention Whore
    Control
    When I Was 20

    24 Aug 2010

    Eva Franco “Fifi” Jack & Jill Stripe Skirt
Dear Rue La La, this skirt is gorgeous. It’s also $69. I can’t buy this. Those less broke: join the site with my invite link; contribute to my shopping bank! My wallet will thank you.

    Eva Franco “Fifi” Jack & Jill Stripe Skirt

    Dear Rue La La, this skirt is gorgeous. It’s also $69. I can’t buy this. Those less broke: join the site with my invite link; contribute to my shopping bank! My wallet will thank you.

    19 Aug 2010

    Candid via my iPhone from More Magazine’s photo shoot of young feminists. From left to right: Megan Evans, Julie Zeilinger, Morgane Richardson, Jen McCreight, and Tracy Clark-Flory.

    Candid via my iPhone from More Magazine’s photo shoot of young feminists. From left to right: Megan Evans, Julie Zeilinger, Morgane Richardson, Jen McCreight, and Tracy Clark-Flory.

    19 Aug 2010

    I’m at a photo shoot and freaking out over the shoes. This is a really random experience that will likely be the subject of a future “Bad Feminist Confessions” post. (Don’t worry guys, this series is mostly satire. I’m not concerned about my feminist street creds.) P.S. I’m in NY until Monday!

    I’m at a photo shoot and freaking out over the shoes. This is a really random experience that will likely be the subject of a future “Bad Feminist Confessions” post. (Don’t worry guys, this series is mostly satire. I’m not concerned about my feminist street creds.) P.S. I’m in NY until Monday!

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