June 2009
“Also, it’s way more acceptable to leash dogs. You can’t really leash...”
– Me, on why pets are better than kids
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Because I'll Never Stop Being "That Girl"
Zac: Bye, I'm going out to see Lena!
Zac's father: Lena, who's Lena?
Zac: You know, Lena from college? The small, Asian girl?
Zac's father: Who?
Zac: She went to dinner with us a bunch of times.
Zac's father: ...
Zac: She has a website.
Zac's father: OHHHH. SEX Lena!
Zac: Yes. Sex Lena.
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Cafe Pamplona: The Last Worthwhile Harvard Square...
After three years of living in the Square (and 13 blissful months away from it), I’ve gotten pretty sick of the less expensive dining options around Harvard. Sure, I could hit up an Indian place, but a gal can only ingest so much curry before her digestive system faces the consequences.
Cafe Pamplona is no Upstairs on the Square (possibly the only restaurant I’m willing to go to in...
New York
This weekend, I will be in New York. Again. Because I am such a fan of four-hour car rides. (At least I’m not driving.)
Things to do:
Deliver the two French bulldogs who have overrun my apartment for the past week and a half
Comfort a girlfriend who was dumped in a most brutal fashion
Show another friend around town. By which I mean “downtown”. (I am one of those people who...
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Paganism Is The New Atheism
The reality is pretty simple and yet, you Harvard-educated morons can’t seem to grasp such a simple concept. Can you please name any president in the history of the United States, any congressman or woman, any supreme court justice, or anybody else in the position to influence policy and decisions such as allowing same-sex marriage, that subscribe to no religion?!!?!? Maybe that is why they...
“I have stigmata, and it itches.”
– Me, in reference to the giant hive in the middle of my palm
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“yellow yellow
respect ramen”
– the inexplicable content of a spam email I just received
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Obama's Plan for Gay Rights →
I was a late Obama convert, if you could even call it that. I ended up casting a ballot for him, but I was rather suspicious of his unwillingness to support same-sex marriage outright. I can’t tell you how many times I heard Obama supporters insist that he couldn’t afford to take a strong stance on gay rights until after he won the election. How many of them, I wonder, had to bite...
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Dairy Fetish
Me: What's your flash drive full of? Porn?
Evelina: Maybe. It's a big flash drive.
Me: Does this porn involve cheese?
Evelina: I'm lactose intolerant.
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In Which I Kick Some Dude's BMW
First of all, oops.
Second of all, I think this was totally justified. Let me explain.
Evelina, a high school friend from LA, is visiting me for a few days before she goes to New York for a summer program. We’re walking down Charles Street and I’m in the middle of explaining to her how happy I am to live in pretty, friendly Beacon Hill when these two guys in a BMW stop us at our...
$33 for Three Pilates Classes at Body Access ($90... →
Today’s Groupon is probably the best deal I’ve ever run across for a small, group reformer class. If you’ve never tried pilates, this is the cheapest that it gets!
Body Access 446 Massachusetts Ave Arlington, MA 02474
149 S Main Street Middleton, MA 01949
College Candy: "Sexy Time: Eff The No-Sex Rule" →
In which I diss the cardinal first date rule.
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“Make your site more Blackberry friendly! There must be entire legions of young...”
– actual email received from Zac (who’s thousands of miles away in Ibiza)
Any Bostonians Want My Extra Spices?
I’ve removed all duplicates from my spice cabinet and now I’m left with $100+ worth of leftover spices that don’t fit. I hate throwing things away, and these are one of the few things that can’t be donated. Are any Boston locals interested in picking up the remainders? Most bottles are half-empty but some are still full (and recently acquired!)
The selection includes:...
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Early Bird
Jason: Why are you up so early?
Me: I am not!
Jason: It's before 11am. You are a woman of leisure; you never wake up this early.
Things That Would Significantly Improve My Current...
1. Those nose pore strip things that you slap on your face and peel off to reveal all the disgusting oily bits clogging your skin.
2. Muscle tone.
3. A less attractive boyfriend.
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Jason & Lena's Excellent Adventure
(In which two best friends roadtrip from Boston to D.C. for an engagement party)
A tale told in photos:
At first, Jason believed the NJ tourism bureau’s assurances that he and New Jersey were “perfect together”. Four hours of congestion later, he was less enamoured.
Sometimes, a wardrobe change is in order. And sometimes, it occurs at a rest stop in Maryland. (Look closely...
D.C.
Did I mention that tomorrow I embark on a road trip with best friend Jason to D.C.? Why, yes, I am.
(We’re in town for the weekend for a friend’s engagement party.)
I am a coupon code champ.
Try as I might, I can’t stomach the idea of paying $50 for a bra, but that’s the standard price for goods from Victoria’s Secret. In times of recession, however, even the most flat-chested, empty-coffered gal can afford a low-back multi-way bra with Gel-Curve inserts! How? The precious coupon code. Victoria’s Secret — perhaps knowing that it’s shilling...
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How Not To Measure Your Cup Size
Do not ask your boyfriend roommate to help you determine your cup size. He 1) knows nothing about bra sizing and 2) will get distracted. Note the following exchange:
Him: Don’t worry, you’re not an A-cup! Me: UM. How would you know? Him: I’ve seen a variety of boobs, and yours are definitely a B. Me (after putting on a 34B): See?! Look at all this space! Him (pushing the cups...
IUD, Here I Come!
Amidst swine flu recovery, I have volunteered my vagina for a most unpleasant procedure. I fully expect the roomie to provide the following:
massages
a nice dinner
multiple reassurances that I am the most intelligent/amusing/attractive companion he could’ve hoped for
I think it’s a fair trade.
Least Exciting Celebrity Sighting Ever
Boss: Are you into baseball?
Me: No, why?
Boss: Because that's Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada over there.
Me: Who?
Boss: They play for the Yankees.
Me: Oh. Are you, like, really excited?
Boss: No, I'm a Red Sox fan.
Me: Do you mind if I interrupt our meeting to tweet this?
Boss: Not at all.
