January 2009
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10% Off ALL Njoy Products For Readers
Along with the other Valentine’s Day promotions being run with my gift guide, readers can now get 10% off ALL Njoy products.
Njoy is awesome for various reasons:
Environmentally friendly: all products are made from 100% recycled medical-grade steel
Fair labor practices: the Southern Chinese workers employed by the company are paid a living wage
Sex-positive: not only are they aesthetic,...
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Boobs are brains.
Evan: do i have to resend my email again? so that everyone on the list can see my funny comment and engage me in witty repartee?
Me: yes
Evan: sigh, it's so much work being clever. how do you do it?
Me: oh, i don't. i just try to be naked as often as possible and that seems to appease the masses.
Evan: that's right. you're aided by the fact that most guys confuse boobs with cleverness.
“This might be a stupid question, but what is wanderlust?”
– actual message just received in my OkCupid inbox
SparkNotes = OKCupid = Bishop Allen?!
meaghano:
Did you know that OKCupid was started by the guy from Bishop Allen? Him and his friends started SparkNotes, too. WEIRD, HUH? If you don’t believe me, ask the Internet.
You mean I actually had a chance to accost this dude about site navigability at the concert I went to in the fall? Ridiculous.
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Sex and the Ivy’s 2009 Valentine’s Day Gift Guide →
Check out my guide to sex- and Earth-positive gifts, plus the accompanying giveaway of awesome prizes like the music-powered Naughtibod from OhMiBod and the unisex Njoy Pure Wand (Babeland’s top-selling dildo!)
This took me forever to compile, guys, so I expect uber entertaining responses to my giveaway questions, which are prefaced with the longest account ever of my first date with...
OH MY GOD, OKCUPID STOP IT.
After a year of email updates and “Someone on QuickMatch just chose you!” notifications, I finally logged into OkCupid to change my relationship status and/or cancel my account and then had to close the window after three minutes because there were too many colors and flashing lights and I was slightly concerned they would induce a seizure. AND apparently people can now just message...
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Things I'm Doing For Valentine's Day
In case the repeated mentions of my boyfriend have not been tip-off enough, I want to make it clear that I am extremely, extremely excited for Valentine’s Day. After years of failed non-relationships, sex fiascos, and generally poor romantic decision-making, it appears as if I have finally conned someone into loving me. Which makes this Valentine’s Day as big to me as Christmas is to...
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Confession
My separation anxiety manifests itself in the form of nightmares when I am away from my boyfriend for more than 12 hours at a time.
Yes, I sleep every 12 hours.
“This whole messy ordeal has advanced my Botox start date by at least two years....”
– Dating A Banker Anonymous (via snickerdoodle) Because it’s a sad, sad time when you’re forced to date for love.
“It’s unlikely that all the pseudo-hipsters who buy their Che T-shirts at...”
– Esquire, “What’s So Bad About Socialism Anyway?” (link via Young Manhattanite)
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ways i participate in the beauty myth
jgh:
because mary’s post was a good thought exercise. it’s helpful to think about the cultural messages you’ve absorbed
i:
wear makeup on occasion and get blowouts
get highlights
once in a blue moon, get a manicure and a pedicure
have done a bikini wax
despite my caterwauling against it, would probably get botox
try to dress in stacy-and-clinton approved clothes even when not fiscally...
also, once, Lena Chen posted a pic of me w/out...
jgh:
As if its undermining to post a photo of someone bare-faced? WTF???? Shows you how much we’ve absorbed the message that women must wear make-up at all times to be presentable!!! And of course, Lena did not mean anything by it!
Seriously, this was one of the stranger comments I have ever received.
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I am so not the matchmaker you're looking for.
Friend: ok. so i need you to tell me who can i date.
Me: um WHAT? are you choosing from a list of my exes or something? because if so, you can have all of them.
Friend: no, not a list of your exes. just, who do you know who i can date?
Me: who do i personally know? um, there is no one appropriate. everyone is gay or someone i've previously fucked or the person i'm currently fucking ... who YOU CAN'T HAVE.
Friend: clearly, i'm not going to take patrick
Me: the only guys i know are the guys i know biblically. there is no one i can recommend.
Friend: even if you can't recommend someone - you never went long without a date. how did you do it?
Me: i wrote a sex blog and was really indiscriminate, which is how i ended up dating a sociopath for two months, remember?
Addendum to last post
Coincidentally, it’s the Year of the Ox, which might just be the totally arbitrary determination of a calendar system created thousands of years ago, but take a moment to think about this bovine beast. It’s essentially a cow, no?
So, basically, it’s the Year of the Cow. I like to think this means the worship of popsicle-stick-thinness has ended. Unlikely.
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Fat people can't run.
Someone just reacted to the news that I’m running a marathon with, “What?! Isn’t she fat?” Which, you know, is so the point.
Let’s just ignore my many years of anti-athleticism and go straight to weight/body judgments.
Well, then. That only took nine hours.
Yeah, so my 6.5 hour flight to Los Angeles managed to take NINE HOURS due to refueling in Denver. It doesn’t take that long to get to Germany.
I am now home, fed, and ready for a nap. I vaguely remember promising myself that I’d go for a run since I’m supposed to complete a marathon a week from tomorrow. Um. About that …
I have already seen more Asian people in line to...
… than I have the entire last month combined. This is probably due to being in Europe and hiding out in Beacon Hill.
Thank the lord.
It looks like there are elderly passengers, but no infants. Did I mention the time when I was STUCK BEHIND A CHILD on a 6+ hour flight and had FORGOTTEN TO CHARGE MY IPOD?!
This time, my iPod is charged.
I know typing in caps in unnecessary (that’s what exclamation marks are for) but it’s only 7:30am, Boston is dead quiet, and I want to feel like I’m being heard. Inappropriate...
The New Yorker: Looking Your Best →
Getting started on your New Year’s fitness goals? Try out these tips from The New Yorker:
“Avoid what psychologists refer to as ‘emotional eating.’ This is hard, because many people have a tendency to experience emotions. To solve this problem, consume increasing dosages of psychotropic medications until you cease to feel emotions of any kind.”
“Water is also...
“Some people can’t be alone. She was simply the manifestation of suspicions long...”
– Kennedy
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Any more suggestions?
Currently finalizing my list for the gift guide I’m publishing. Send in your recommendations pronto to elle[at]sexandtheivy[dot]com.
A quick preview: organic lube, condom cases, cute tees, eco-friendly undies, and more! There will be a reader giveaway and someone will win an orgasm. YAY.
Nan (sing-song voice): You're in a relationship. HA-HA!
Gracye: Sucker!
Me: What the hell is wrong with you guys?
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Women Cannot Control Their Hunger As Well As Men,... →
A ground-breaking brain-imaging study at the U.S. Department of Energy’s Brookhaven National Laboratory shows that men, but not women, are able to control their brain’s response to their own favorite foods. The study, which will be published online by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences the week of January 19, 2009, may help explain why rates of obesity and eating disorders are...
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In Which Commenters Equate My Social Network To...
“When I said what I wanted - I was told to shut the fuck up, follow suit. This bitch hangs out with the same fuckers that beat me up, told me to act a certain way, do certain things, follow a certain code of conduct when this is not what I wanted. So why do I read? - because you are exactly allowed to be YOU. YOUR FUCKING DAMN WEIRDNESS IS IVY FUCKING LEAGUE STATUS.” (link to full...
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FYI Boston-Area Fashionistas: Buy Secondhand!
Designer jeans are selling at consignment chain Second Time Around for dirt cheap (think: $26 or less). Today is the last day of the 50 percent off sale, and tomorrow is the Midnight Madness 70 percent off sale for all Boston-area locations, except for Harvard Square location which holds Midnight Madness today.
Labels include Seven, Citizens, Antik, Paige, Hudson, Blue Cult, and others. Designer...
In Which Long Delayed Anger Manifests Itself In...
Sometimes, I think I might want to be a mother after all.
And then a three-foot, blonde demon cuts in front of me at the ski lift.
(I spent more time surrounded by children while in ski school in Austria than I have my entire adult life combined.)
“I thought you could use these for your various holes.”
– Tara, giving Tiffanie earrings
Back in Boston
What the hell happened to this place?
Free Subway MetroCards Handed out by Dunkin’... →
Dunkin’ Donuts representatives will hand out free Metrocards between 6:30 am- 9:30 am on the following dates, outside these stations:
Monday, January 12th- Lexington Ave/ 53rd Street
Tuesday, January 20th- 14th Street/ Union Square Station
Monday, January 26th- Grand Central Station
Monday, February 2nd- Times Square/42nd Street
Soliciting Valentine's Gift Ideas
This is the first year since high school that I’m going to have a Valentine who is not my gay best friend. (This is, of course, unless Patrick dumps me in the next month, so fingers crossed, people!) In that spirit, I’m fully embracing the consumerism of the holiday (kind of) and researching ideas for a completely unqualified Valentine’s Day gift guide for women. Have a...
WatchVideo of me skiing a red (intermediate) slope in Lech. Is a lot harder/steeper than it looks! (via Vimeo)
“Angela Merkel is always on the lookout for any means of easing Germany back into...”
– Peter Zeihan, “The Russian Gas Trap”
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What Sex Blogging And The Freshman 15 Taught Me
As someone who’s felt like she’s been subject to ridiculous standards of beauty in the past, I feel compelled to chime in with my support for Jessica’s post about The Top 7 Butterbodies. This Spike.com article lists Hollywood actresses with pretty faces but “blubbery”, “pudgy”, or “chunky” figures (direct quotes). Who are these actresses? Women...