2008

July 4th in Europe

Today, I am: watching Kennedy get her first tattoo (we’ve been counting down for...

Disclaimer: Not actually awesome.

Kennedy: I wonder what it would be like to overdose on cocaine.
Me: Um, awesome?

Boys

I started talking to Kennedy last night about old hook-ups and exes. I was working on this piece...

Hmm.

Things I make fun of Patrick for: Being German Being old Graduating from Yale Listening to German...

“Did you not understand that I was offering you casual sex?”
— Kennedy in a text message she...

Yummm, baby gravy.

This article by Jenna B is the reason why I constantly call semen “baby gravy.” It...

Just got this vibrator in Osnabrück last week. It’s...

We are bitter atheists.

Me: And then God said, "Let there be light!"
Kennedy: God didn't say shit. God rained downed sulfur on everyone. God's a big jerk.

Me: You bitch! I'm going to throw my laptop at you.
Kennedy: You wouldn't sacrifice Delilah for that. You love her far too much.

“Sorry, the Chairman of the Republican National Committee...”
— my friend putting our IM convo...

Kennedy: I want to be in a relationship with someone who ADORES me.
Me: Me too.
Kennedy: That might not be such a good idea.
Me: Why?
Kennedy: You're already obsessed with yourself. I'm not so sure that you need to be with someone who's obsessed with you too.

London, July 4-9th

For those I missed via email, I’ll be in London for five days starting this Friday. Patrick...

Amen, my friend.

I used to think Christine was a skinny bitch in high school. christineyweenie: I was walking...

My California friends at a Korean...

Joanna: That piece in the middle is burning.
Johnny: Which one?
Henry: The one that's on fire.
Johnny: Which one?
Henry: Uh... THE ONE THAT'S ON FIRE!

Only during the sex scene. jennabee: Well, were you naked at least? lenachen: I just had a dream...

I just had a dream that involved Jenna taking a lot of pictures of me. Okay, so that wasn’t...

Geeking out. Both of us are donning glasses tonight.

Never thought we'd get to this point but...

My mom thinks my yet-to-be-written memoir will sell well in China.

Me: The Improper Bostonian called Patrick my boyfriend.
Kennedy: Are you going to make them rescind it?
Me: "This week in The Improper, Lena Chen would like to state for the record that Patrick Hamm is her lover, not her boyfriend."

“It was so quiet around here … and then you came back.”
— Kennedy, tonight upon my...

“How are my homies up in Moscow?”
— Patrick to his Russian friend

Amsterdam.

“Our births are just the gateway to our deaths. That’s...”
— Jim Crace’s Being Dead

Living in Europe

I’m off to Amsterdam today with Patrick, his sister and brother, and the dogs. Very excited to...

Miss you, Jason.

Kennedy (online): I love you.
Me (to Patrick): How do you spell "I love you" in German?
Patrick: What's the context?
Me: Kennedy wrote, "I love you." I want to write it back in German.
Patrick: You can only use "Ich liebe dich" if you mean you're in love.
Me: What if I want to say "I love you" to a friend?
Patrick: We don't do that.

“When you hang out in bars, the drama of love isn’t the...”
— Umberto Eco’s...

He’s so gentle with Delilah! (To clarify, Delilah is...

lenachen:I used to care a lot more about my looks. Then I...

madeinthedark: jessicagoldharalson: via...

Who's in Beantown?

Can someone — ANYONE — locate a copy of this week’s Sex and Love issue of The...

I used to care a lot more about my looks. Then I started...

“That precious time before lovemaking is ill served by the...”
— Ian McEwan’s Enduring...

Teen site helps girls find which stereotype...

“You’re basically holding a sign that says...”
— Patrick, on the final minute...

Me: 我很喜歡你
Patrick: 真的?

It’s just occurred to me that the word “blogging” is an anagram of...

Listen

This was the “before” photo.

My current Facebook photo is of me going topless (briefly)...

With Kennedy in Patrick’s backyard in Osnabrück.

If you don't hear from me for a while,...

Patrick: There's an Internet encryption system at my house and I can revoke your access at any second.
Me: You wouldn't dare. I'll withhold sex.
Patrick: Well, I guess we'll just see who lasts longer then: me without sex or you without Internet.
Me: Noooooooooo. Is there a safe word for the Internet?

Books Books

Done (with commentary):A Confederacy of Dunces Patrick got this for me. I don’t think I...

rkb: Buck Angel, A Man With a Pussy: LGB Without the T,” by...

Mmm … pussies.

Listen

“I hate my liiife. It’s now or never. Why must I live...”
— Kennedy’s take on...

So wrong. So hilarious.

Kennedy (after watching a video of herself): Does my voice actually sound like that? It has no inflection. I sound like I hate everyone and am never happy.
Me: But you DO hate everyone and you AREN'T ever happy.
Kennedy: Oh. That's right.

“Discussing capitalism with my brother. Heated debate. Will...”
— Patrick, brushing me off.

“I personally think your little sister should considering...”
— Patrick, only half-joking

New Piercings

Kennedy and I just got pierced, kind of on a whim. She got her right nipple done (yay, now we...

Listen

Of Bulldogs and Butt Cheeks.

ninakix: lenachen: In the Frankfurt Altstadt yesterday....

“Love is watching someone die.”
— Death Cab for CutieIt’s...

In the Frankfurt Altstadt yesterday. Even financial cities...

Finally.

I told the truth about everything.

“The first time I heard that the word for “blue”...”
— my friend

Dresden Dolls

What I learned from a weekend in Dresden, Germany: 1. Shit is old. “Shit” includes: the...

“You read this blog just to bitch about her? Fuck, this is...”
— commenter on my blog in...

Frankfurt

Left Dresden at 7am this morning and got to Frankfurt Airport a good 40 minutes before Patrick (the...

The fountains at Albertplatz in Dresden.

Dresden dolls in front of the Semperoper (Dresden’s...

Turning off Google alerts.

I can’t read what people write about him anymore. It makes me sick. One of the comments: Mir,...

This is how we fight.

Me: Nazi.
Patrick: Drama queen.
Me: Albino.
Patrick: Bimbo.
Me: Eurotrash.
Patrick: Eurotramp.
Me: Yalie.
Patrick: Cantab.
Me: Helloooo, that's something to be proud of seeing as how I don't attend a SAFETY SCHOOL.
Patrick: The majority of people at Harvard wouldn't have GOTTEN INTO Yale due to utter lack of coolness.
Me: Which you obviously exhibited as a 20-year-old German boy.
Patrick: Yes, I was a pretty fucking cool customer.
Me: A COOL CUSTOMER? Who are you?! Who am I fucking? Holy lord.
Patrick: Oh, now that you ran out of substantive things to say. You attack my LANGUAGE. Desperation, Lena, is a stinky cologne.
Me: NOT as stinky as YOURS.
Patrick: GREEEAT comeback. You win the witty comeback of the day award.
Me: You win the Not Getting Laid This Summer award.
Patrick: Did I miss something?
Me: Judging from your taste in music, the years 2003-2008.
[And then just as quickly ....]
Patrick: It's Gay Pride in Boston today
Me: I know.
Patrick: Huge rally on Boylston Street.
Me: Deval Patrick is marching.
Patrick: Cool. He's not gay though, right?
Me: Daughter is.
Patrick: Interesting.
Me: Can we have sex soon? Fighting makes me horny.
Patrick: Me too.

Me: I want to be the old Asian man's best friend.
Kennedy: What? What old Asian man?
Me: You know -- the guy who works at the grocery store?
Kennedy: Uh. I thought you were referring to some mythical old man from folklore. Like the Asian equivalent of Santa.

German Guy says something indecipherable.
Kennedy [in German]: She doesn't speak German.
German Guy: I speak English.
Me (unimpressed): Gut gemacht.
German Guy: I don't speak very good English, but for you I will.
Me: Great.
German Guy: Tonight we make party.
Me: Party machen?

I MISS YOU GUYS. (Backstory: Megan, Tara, Tiffanie, and I...

Oh my god, I’m SO EXCITED. There’s an Asian grocery store down the road on Plöck, where...

BFFs

I am sitting with my knees raised. Kennedy reaches under my dress.
Me: Did you just spread my ... ?
Kennedy (without shame): Vadge? Yes.

Happy Loving Day!!

kimchicowgirl: Thank you, Mildred and Richard Loving for asserting your right to be married— thus...

This is what our relationship is like.

Me: Wake up!
K: No.
Me: It's 2pm. Come on.
K: I don't want to.
[I lie down on top of her back.]
K: Get off of me!
Me: You're lazy.
K: No I'm not!
Me: You're right. You're just depressed.
K: Hey, that's mean!
Me: Time for your meds!
K: Nooo ... let me sleep, you awful whore.
Me: I want Reislingschorle.
K: Oh my god, you're an adult. You can't go drink Reislingschorle without me?
Me: No. WAKE UP.
[I proceed to straddle her from behind and rock side to side.]
Me: Now there's an earthquake in your booty.
K: UGH, why won't you let me sleep? I leave you alone when you sleep.
Me: That's because I don't sleep for TEN HOURS straight.
K: You're evil.
Me: Fine.
[I get off of her.]
K: Great. Now I'm awake. I'm going to punish you for this.
Me: What are you going to do, spank me?
K: No, but I'll get my revenge.

“It’s been ten years since a nude photograph of me appeared...”
— Melissa Gira “On the...

In New York last month. This is where the Guy and the Dog...

I’m the same girl only with more emails...

helenrips: I’m the same girl only with more emails to read and less optimism. The only thing I ever...

Me: Patrick's getting a chandelier installed in his bedroom.
Kennedy: Uhh ... in his bedroom?! That is appalling.
Me: Agreed, and I'm the one who has to sleep under it.
Kennedy: Tell him this isn't 16th century France at court.

Dear Lena:

Traveling Schedule for Summer 2008

Email if you want to meet up. June 4-6: Heidelberg homebaseJune 7-8: Stuttgart with KennedyJune...

Skyping with the Guy.

Enough, now. Here is the truth.

toomuchawesome: Will Harvard Turn Blind Eye to Patrick Hamm Case? At Harvard, few have been hit...

“People are less quick to applaud as you grow older. Life...”
— Sloane Crosley in I Was Told...

“I kept studying, seeking the comfort that arithmetic had...”
— from Lan Samantha...

I miss this one. Two weeks before I get to see dog and owner...

Weekend in Stuttgart

I spent the weekend in Stuttgart, Germany, which is best-known for being the home of the Porsche and...

Kennedy splashing about in the fountains in the Schloßplatz....

American girl in Deutschland! This is in front of the castle...

Just returned from a fantastic weekend trip to Stuttgart...

My friend of many names.

German Guy: And her name is ...?
Lucy: Courtney.
Me: Kennedy.
Kennedy: Duckie.

At Heidelberg Castle today.

Me: ummm, this is a joke, btw. ha ha?
Patrick: i don't get it. please explain! i'm german and don't share your american sense of humor.

The beautiful girl I’m here for.

Day Two in Germany

I already feel like I’ve been here forever. Today’s events: Ran along the Neckar...

Someone beneath Kennedy’s balcony is speaking Mandarin. This makes me happy for some reason....

Two Lenas, One Imposter: A Murder...

Okay, so I have some fucking weird dreams sometimes. The one I just had definitely tops the list....

So maybe my dreams aren't commercially...

Guy: you should write these dreams down. who knows, they might be useful.
Me: two identical women, but one has been drowned ... who is the real lena? not even her german lover knows ... can a bulldog's animal instincts help the police solve a mystery and save the man's life? all this and more in ... DEATH BY THE CHARLES. coming to a theater near you.
Guy: sounds like it would sell like shit. i wasn't suggesting that you use them as inspirations for thriller novels.

On my first day in Germany ...

I got a European cell phone. Email/IM me for the number! Kennedy and I went grocery shopping. She...

“Is that a German version of Pier 1? If that were the view...”
— Me, commenting on the...

Sunset on the Esplanade. One of the last views I had of...

Frankfurt Airport

Surprisingly simple to navigate, especially with help from sympathetic Germans who pity your...

Come-ons.

So on top of the terrible day I’ve had thus far, I really didn’t need an airline...

On the Esplanade yesterday. My time in Boston is running...

There are 3 suitcases, 3 shopping bags,...

Kennedy: I find myself utterly unprepared for your arrival
Me: I find myself utterly unprepared to arrive

Leaving for Germany TOMORROW

So for the past month, I thought my flight was on Wednesday. Apparently, I’m leaving tomorrow...

Late night sushi at Fugakyu in Brookline.

Patrick sitting outside the newly opened Crema Cafe in...

Aww ... isn't he cute and...

Guy: Germans don't cry.