This is how we fight.
Me: Nazi.
Patrick: Drama queen.
Me: Albino.
Patrick: Bimbo.
Me: Eurotrash.
Patrick: Eurotramp.
Me: Yalie.
Patrick: Cantab.
Me: Helloooo, that's something to be proud of seeing as how I don't attend a SAFETY SCHOOL.
Patrick: The majority of people at Harvard wouldn't have GOTTEN INTO Yale due to utter lack of coolness.
Me: Which you obviously exhibited as a 20-year-old German boy.
Patrick: Yes, I was a pretty fucking cool customer.
Me: A COOL CUSTOMER? Who are you?! Who am I fucking? Holy lord.
Patrick: Oh, now that you ran out of substantive things to say. You attack my LANGUAGE. Desperation, Lena, is a stinky cologne.
Me: NOT as stinky as YOURS.
Patrick: GREEEAT comeback. You win the witty comeback of the day award.
Me: You win the Not Getting Laid This Summer award.
Patrick: Did I miss something?
Me: Judging from your taste in music, the years 2003-2008.
[And then just as quickly ....]
Patrick: It's Gay Pride in Boston today
Me: I know.
Patrick: Huge rally on Boylston Street.
Me: Deval Patrick is marching.
Patrick: Cool. He's not gay though, right?
Me: Daughter is.
Patrick: Interesting.
Me: Can we have sex soon? Fighting makes me horny.
Patrick: Me too.
Jun 14th
This is what our relationship is like.
Me: Wake up!
K: No.
Me: It's 2pm. Come on.
K: I don't want to.
[I lie down on top of her back.]
K: Get off of me!
Me: You're lazy.
K: No I'm not!
Me: You're right. You're just depressed.
K: Hey, that's mean!
Me: Time for your meds!
K: Nooo ... let me sleep, you awful whore.
Me: I want Reislingschorle.
K: Oh my god, you're an adult. You can't go drink Reislingschorle without me?
Me: No. WAKE UP.
[I proceed to straddle her from behind and rock side to side.]
Me: Now there's an earthquake in your booty.
K: UGH, why won't you let me sleep? I leave you alone when you sleep.
Me: That's because I don't sleep for TEN HOURS straight.
K: You're evil.
Me: Fine.
[I get off of her.]
K: Great. Now I'm awake. I'm going to punish you for this.
Me: What are you going to do, spank me?
K: No, but I'll get my revenge.
Jun 12th